Stuffing Zafus and Mowing Practice

I spent a good portion of yesterday stuffing a zafu, an older one actually that had been stuffed with some material I couldn't identify. Not kapok or buckwheat hulls. I chose the latter and got it higher than my current zafu and support cushion combined. I think it will help my kness just a bit, although the thing now weighs a ton! That's ok, however, because I'm officially in my new sitting space full time and my old one in the bedroom is already occupied. I'd been sitting in the new space during the week, a 4 x 8 ft. oversized closet really, but just this weekend got a door put up so I can have a bit of privacy if need be.

I'm hoping it increases my sits since they have dropped off the last couple weeks. Some of it has been some memories popping up during zazen that aren't pleasant. Usually that doesn't bother me too much, but for awhile I've been finding reasons not to sit and most of them just ran out with the new space. It'll be nice to go in there when my folks arrive in a couple days for a weekend visit....I'll need the refresher. ;)

Otherwise I've been working otuside when the weather permits, especially now that the grass is high enough to mow. I have to keep up with it since I use a reel mower and when it gets too high and/or too wet it gets pretty difficult. I've been doing the organic thing out there for the last three years now and I'm realtively happy with the results, but my wish that it was better creeps in every now and again. That's especially true this past week with the arrival of some very nasty weeds that have tough stalks and wheat-like heads that clog up the mower. And as I watch the folks around me with their gas mowers and pesticide laden lawns, I'm reminded of something I read in a new book I started recently. It's about how we try to get rid of weeds as something undesirable and lament the process of their removal. But, oh the opportunities for practice! But, more about that soon.

For now, back to dirty diapers!

The Clear Way

It's been awhile since I've maintained a blog since I think many of them are self promoting and designed to bring attention to one's "happenings". Certainly not all blogs are of this type, but it has kept me from keeping one of my own for awhile. I realize now that a blog can be whatever one wishes it to be and how it's seen...or how I am seen...is not my problem. I can only express what I want to express and hope that it is of some interest or even useful to others. To even think beyond oneself is a bit narcissistic, but I grew up believing (and was taught by my parents) that others' reactions to my words, thoughts, and actions were my responsibility. I'm learning now that I am only responsible for my own business and no one else's, which frees me to be a more calm and relaxed individual. It also allows me to be an a-hole from time to time in the sense that I didn't ever allow myself to be one before as it was beyond shame to make a mistake like saying the wrong thing. "Not a capital offense!" That's what comes to mind now.

This also is the point in the blog where I have previously tried to create some grand vision of what the blog would be about going forward. However, I'm going for a bit more "stream of conciousness" this time around and writing whatever comes to mind. Of course with the blog's title I think one can expect some discussions of zen and "at home" life since I practice zazen and the art of fatherhood everyday as a stay at home dad. A year ago I took the precepts and received the dharma name, Dosho. It literally means "The way that is clear" which I have always taken to be a bit tongue-in-cheek since life's path has rarely seemed clear to me. Yet, beyond all the crap that fills my head I have begun to suspect that life is much clearer than I thought and if I just watch as the world flies by perhaps I can see what lies ahead, at least a little.

So, a little less "I", "Me", and "Myself". More "No-I", "No-Me", "No-Myself". Very zennie, perhaps stinkingly so, but honest and straightforward. Clear the way! OK, that was a bit over the top. ;)